THINKIN BOUT YOU
Platinum Member
a good-looking gay man
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 1,364
|
Post by THINKIN BOUT YOU on May 30, 2016 17:36:12 GMT -5
As much as I enjoy the reviews from critics from the internet, I feel like it won't mean that much to me unless it's my own opinion, and there are always instances I feel that this or that song is placed way higher or lower than it actually deserves to be in my opinion, so taking advantage of these days where I have plenty of down time, I decide to take a nontrivial challenge: rank and review every single song in 2015 year-end list of hot 100 like a critic.
|
|
THINKIN BOUT YOU
Platinum Member
a good-looking gay man
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 1,364
|
Post by THINKIN BOUT YOU on May 30, 2016 17:40:58 GMT -5
My review is gonna be based on a variety of aspects: like lyrical content, instrument layers, how catchy it is, vocal performance, structure and all. But when all is said and done, I will assign an overall estimated score to a song (like, here I will give a song 6/10 if specifically it falls between 60%-69% on the spreadsheet where I keep the scores of the songs)
|
|
THINKIN BOUT YOU
Platinum Member
a good-looking gay man
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 1,364
|
Post by THINKIN BOUT YOU on May 30, 2016 17:43:17 GMT -5
GENERAL TIERS: 0-19 - HORRENDOUS 20-39 - BAD 40-49 - MEH 50-59 - DECENT 60-79 - GOOD 80-100 - WONDERFUL
|
|
THINKIN BOUT YOU
Platinum Member
a good-looking gay man
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 1,364
|
Post by THINKIN BOUT YOU on May 30, 2016 17:56:21 GMT -5
The worst song of 2015 year-end is: 100. Hit the Quan -- iLoveMemphis I understand that it's just a dance song for kids and shouldn't be taken so seriously. But in terms of dance song standard, this song is still way below par and considerably worse than Watch Me which we'll be delving into later. The eerie synth line makes me really uncomfortable and doesn't fit the vocal well, it's like anyone can make something better than this by just playing with the digital audio workstation. Other than that the delivery is awkward and cringe-worthy, making it a lot like a joke song featuring someone with okay sense of rhythm hollering and playing over a mic. The beat is nothing that can stand out, and the lyrics is mostly gibberish. Everything combined it's just sad how awful and cheap it sounds. TIER: 0-19 - HORRENDOUS
|
|
THINKIN BOUT YOU
Platinum Member
a good-looking gay man
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 1,364
|
Post by THINKIN BOUT YOU on May 30, 2016 18:06:53 GMT -5
99. Kick the Dust Up -- Luke Bryan It certainly won't help to have the mediocre bass loop in the background, the sense of unsought and douchebaggary pride that lingers in the air, the as-loud-as-it-can all-out pre-chorus, and the embarrassing trap hook which dumps out all the energy and puts itself to shame and incompetence. TIER: 20-39 - BAD
|
|
THINKIN BOUT YOU
Platinum Member
a good-looking gay man
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 1,364
|
Post by THINKIN BOUT YOU on May 30, 2016 18:15:39 GMT -5
98. Nasty Freestyle -- T-Wayne This song's existence is not something meant to be taken seriously per se, and to be honest I'm even genuinely impressed by how this song can really be a so-called "class of its own" with auto-tuned decent flow and insalvageable lyrics and attitude that kind of defines "mild retardation". However, the piano melody in the background just sounds cheesy and cheap, so does the synth string that builds on it and this song as a whole. Catchy it may be, just like the title says for itself, it has "style", but it's "nasty" and belongs somewhere near a dumpster. TIER: 20-39 - BAD
|
|
THINKIN BOUT YOU
Platinum Member
a good-looking gay man
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 1,364
|
Post by THINKIN BOUT YOU on May 30, 2016 18:20:32 GMT -5
97. CoCo -- O.T. Genasis I get it, it's a joke song. And its background instrumental definitely sounds more "orchestral" compared to the previous T-Wayne song, making up for its repetitiveness, laziness and more insalvageable lyrics. TIER: 20-39 - BAD
|
|
THINKIN BOUT YOU
Platinum Member
a good-looking gay man
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 1,364
|
Post by THINKIN BOUT YOU on May 30, 2016 18:27:28 GMT -5
96. Worth It -- Fifth Harmony featuring Kid Ink I think I will spark some controversy or disagreement by placing this song so low. But the problem is, this song definitively sounds cheaper than most pop songs that charted. A lot of critics claim that this song is one of the worse ones that rips off Talk Dirty formula, and I agree. The chorus is one of the sloppiest possibilities of trying to make a hook sound cool. The common flirty lyrics and delivery won't help a lot here considering they are building up to that awful hook. And how often can a rapper duplicate his own verse? TIER: 20-39 - BAD 95. No Type -- Rae Sremmurd It kinda contradicts itself of having "no type" when it says "not my type" in the verse and "bad b--ch is the only thing that I like" in the hook. Also, it accurately shows that "less" not necessarily means "good". It sounds lazy in structure and highly unfinished. It would've been even lower if the performers don't exude some pride of living life throughout the song. TIER: 20-39 - BAD
|
|
THINKIN BOUT YOU
Platinum Member
a good-looking gay man
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 1,364
|
Post by THINKIN BOUT YOU on May 30, 2016 18:48:02 GMT -5
94. Watch Me -- Silentó It's childish sounding, but definitely not the worst song one can imagine. The repetitive simple lead, synths, crispy beats and all actually make it solid, and it lists a variety of dance moves, making it not so inane in content and kind of fun to dance to. That said, the word "repetitive" can really apply to this song and then it grates on your nerves. TIER: 20-39 - BAD
|
|
THINKIN BOUT YOU
Platinum Member
a good-looking gay man
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 1,364
|
Post by THINKIN BOUT YOU on May 30, 2016 18:59:17 GMT -5
93. Lips Are Movin -- Meghan Trainor Among all the hits from Title, this one may be the weakest, like, it's almost a below-the-standard ripoff of All About that Bass only with an embarrassing rapping part in the beginning and more candy-palette children's commercial kind of feel. The percussion is heavier than its predecessor, but the whole thing sounds so light and fluffy and fickle that nothing from outer space will acquire a taste for such a nauseating jam. TIER: 20-39 - BAD
|
|
THINKIN BOUT YOU
Platinum Member
a good-looking gay man
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 1,364
|
Post by THINKIN BOUT YOU on May 30, 2016 19:04:59 GMT -5
92. Fight Song Rachel Platten I almost feel sorry for placing this song so low. Its lyrics is empowering and from heart and the heavy percussion and strings that pump up emotion just work for such an anthem song. The thing is, it got piano, cliches, loneliness and quality that's not "in too deep" into real art with persona. TIER: 20-39 - BAD
|
|
Deleted
Joined: January 1970
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on May 30, 2016 19:14:59 GMT -5
Yea this ranking is already BS when Fight Song, Animals, and Worth It are in the bottom 10.
|
|
THINKIN BOUT YOU
Platinum Member
a good-looking gay man
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 1,364
|
Post by THINKIN BOUT YOU on May 30, 2016 19:16:39 GMT -5
91. How Deep Is Your Love -- Calvin Harris and Disciples The beat is monotonous, the bassy synth sounds dark and stiff, the lyrics sounds funky as "nirvana", but just "hits people harda" with its nonsensical appeal. The hook is catchy and cute for sure, but that can't wash away the metallic sound of the song as a whole. I'm not surprised that they use distorted robotic voice to back up at the end, for this Calvin Harris song doesn't sound human. It's depressing. TIER: 20-39 - BAD
|
|
THINKIN BOUT YOU
Platinum Member
a good-looking gay man
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 1,364
|
Post by THINKIN BOUT YOU on May 30, 2016 19:19:58 GMT -5
Yea this ranking is already BS when Fight Song, Animals, and Worth It are in the bottom 10. In my opinion a ranking is only BS when songs like Animals and Worth It are really high. It's almost a truth that Fight Song's generic quality can land itself at least on "dishonorable mentions" of a critic's ranking. Ask anyone.
|
|
THINKIN BOUT YOU
Platinum Member
a good-looking gay man
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 1,364
|
Post by THINKIN BOUT YOU on May 30, 2016 19:30:45 GMT -5
90. My Way -- Fetty Wap featuring Monty If a song stretches the end of each sentence that immoderately, it can really let itself fall from elite class and get on the nerves, which is one of the most distinctive qualities of its provocative lyrics that call down others to show how attractive you are. But that's not convincing enough, just like the song as one, putting on the false front of music-boxy sweetness, but deep inside it's nothing but inane. TIER: 20-39 - BAD
|
|
THINKIN BOUT YOU
Platinum Member
a good-looking gay man
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 1,364
|
Post by THINKIN BOUT YOU on May 30, 2016 19:53:28 GMT -5
89. Heartbeat Song -- Kelly Clarkson Again, I feel sorry for having to give an genuinely inspiring and invigorating song such a low score. But it really doesn't have much beyond being a self-empowerment formulaic pop song. It's almost egregious how mediocre it has to make itself sound and the whole song sounds like a waste of potential. The drums and her vocals and all stick out to be so loud and dramatic but in fact it's nothing new or even catchy. TIER: 20-39 - BAD
|
|
|
Post by Daryl the Beryl on May 30, 2016 20:16:55 GMT -5
Yea this ranking is already BS when Fight Song, Animals, and Worth It are in the bottom 10. Yea, your ranking is probably BS when Cheerleader is in the top 10. Different strokes for different folks, dude.
|
|
THINKIN BOUT YOU
Platinum Member
a good-looking gay man
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 1,364
|
Post by THINKIN BOUT YOU on May 30, 2016 20:17:26 GMT -5
88. I Don't f**k with You -- Big Sean featuring E-40 The whiny sample that appears in the beginning of two hooks already throws this song under the categorization of "joke song". Its blatantly deprecating lyrics and sloppy production certainly won't make the commentary-ish rapping of both rappers stand out. And it's so far the blandest song to listen to, dragging itself very dully to almost 5 minutes long, making songs like Hit the Quan almost a breathtaking experience. TIER: 20-39 - BAD
|
|
THINKIN BOUT YOU
Platinum Member
a good-looking gay man
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 1,364
|
Post by THINKIN BOUT YOU on May 30, 2016 21:46:58 GMT -5
Don't be misguided by the number I put for the rating. The failing grade here is below 4/10. AND ANY SONG THAT IS OR ABOVE 6/10 IS CONSIDERED "GOOD STUFF"
|
|
THINKIN BOUT YOU
Platinum Member
a good-looking gay man
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 1,364
|
Post by THINKIN BOUT YOU on May 31, 2016 17:49:50 GMT -5
87. All Eyes on You -- Meek Mill featuring Chris Brown and Nicki Minaj It's a pretty basic-sounding song, with some insipid hook delivered by the similarly insipid Chris Brown, and the verses from two rappers that give off some chemistry, granted, are yet another bore. The recurrent mallet-sounding loop is out of place, the exuberant while aggressive tones may be enough to a show off relationship, but not in a sonically impressive or even appealing way. TIER: 20-39 - BAD
|
|
THINKIN BOUT YOU
Platinum Member
a good-looking gay man
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 1,364
|
Post by THINKIN BOUT YOU on May 31, 2016 17:58:36 GMT -5
86. Hey Mama -- David Guetta featuring Nicki Minaj, Bebe Rexha, and Afrojack If I say the production here is "electrical" and has exotic kind of vibe, then it's nothing but in an ironic sense. Nicki's pulling off a submissive housewife is controversial yet bland. The only thing that shines here is Bebe's hook, which may be provocative and saucy, but not enough to redeem how generic and painful this song sounds like. TIER: 20-39 - BAD
|
|
THINKIN BOUT YOU
Platinum Member
a good-looking gay man
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 1,364
|
Post by THINKIN BOUT YOU on May 31, 2016 18:03:49 GMT -5
85. Take Your Time -- Sam Hunt Actually I appreciate how sincere and conversational it all sounds like, if it also sounds like a song. Now oh boy is it cheap. TIER: 20-39 - BAD 84. Animals -- Maroon 5 One of the quintessential examples of "formulaic pop song". The lyrics is intense and uncomfortable, the percussion and layers are just like any random pop song. The only redeem quality of it may be the comparatively catchy hook, and when it wears away, it becomes nothing, like, nothing. TIER: 20-39 - BAD
|
|
THINKIN BOUT YOU
Platinum Member
a good-looking gay man
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 1,364
|
Post by THINKIN BOUT YOU on May 31, 2016 18:07:11 GMT -5
83. 7/11 -- Beyoncé Hey speaking of what doesn't sound like a song... but lyrical and sonic entropy. But I do dig how tight its production is, which glues everything together with magic, yet boredom. TIER: 20-39 - BAD
|
|
THINKIN BOUT YOU
Platinum Member
a good-looking gay man
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 1,364
|
Post by THINKIN BOUT YOU on May 31, 2016 18:22:17 GMT -5
82. Dear Future Husband -- Meghan Trainor The tightly-packed production and the brassy instrumentation are actually admirable. But her extremely high request for a man can't land her a decent ending when using such an irritating vocal that calls stereotypes onto people. TIER: 20-39 - BAD
|
|
THINKIN BOUT YOU
Platinum Member
a good-looking gay man
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 1,364
|
Post by THINKIN BOUT YOU on Jun 1, 2016 22:37:27 GMT -5
Now we're going to a new tier "TIER: 40-49 - MEH"!!! 81. Blessings -- Big Sean featuring Drake I admit that I'm not that into the genre of rap, as a result of which some rap songs here may end up in a weird position, so I'm sorry if some of my rankings are at loggerhead with yours. This song is not the catchy type, I get it, and the synth is hollow and dark, incredibly dark, almost defines the color "black" (no racism here, just talking about the color), just as the music video shows the audience the purely dark and uncomfortable background. "Blessings" is the title, which ironically makes everything, even the heaven, look dim and gloomy somehow. The lyrics is too much information to take as another common swaggerish rap song, but this time with a little more effort and introspection. I know I shouldn't judge a song by how boring it sounds like, but right here it's almost painful to write anything to comment on any verse or any element of it. I don't know what to say here, really, but I'm pretty sure in my standard the whole sonic experience here won't amount to something above the meh tier. TIER: 40-49 - MEH
|
|
THINKIN BOUT YOU
Platinum Member
a good-looking gay man
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 1,364
|
Post by THINKIN BOUT YOU on Jun 1, 2016 22:48:43 GMT -5
80. Talking Body -- Tove Lo A song that makes sex more like a theme party with confetti (the wiggly and eerie synth at some point curiously gives it a Halloween kind of vibe). Everything start to spin around through the relatively smooth production until it reaches a crescendo that catches your ear. Easy listening and complete? Yes. Terrible? Not at all. Excellent? Probably not, either. TIER: 40-49 - MEH
|
|
THINKIN BOUT YOU
Platinum Member
a good-looking gay man
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 1,364
|
Post by THINKIN BOUT YOU on Jun 1, 2016 23:02:19 GMT -5
79. Chains -- Nick Jonas A lot of people would probably disagree with how low this song is rankedIt's a slow-burn pop-R&B song that seems to impress a number of people. To me, the bass-dropping trap and kick drum don't feel solid enough, and the S&M-themed chorus when basked in synth-strings, more intense claps, and his a-tad-of-desperate vocal, and combined with a series of vocal effects, produces something cheesy and ultimately more easy-listening than real emotion or theme-driven. TIER: 40-49 - MEH
|
|
THINKIN BOUT YOU
Platinum Member
a good-looking gay man
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 1,364
|
Post by THINKIN BOUT YOU on Jun 1, 2016 23:08:34 GMT -5
78. The Hanging Tree -- James Newton Howard featuring Jennifer Lawrence This, I don't know how to rate this song, I don't. It's so... different? Because it's the theme song of an adventure film? It just feels so immersive into the dramatic and legendary kind of plot and scenes. The dedicated choir and the heavy orchestral performance both drag people into the fantasy. They really do. So immersive. So... TIER: 40-49 - MEH
|
|
THINKIN BOUT YOU
Platinum Member
a good-looking gay man
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 1,364
|
Post by THINKIN BOUT YOU on Jun 1, 2016 23:16:15 GMT -5
77. Ayo -- Chris Brown and Tyga Don't get me wrong, I like its hook, which is definitely memorable and one of the catchiest of the year. But its simple-layered sugary production combined with generic sexual and gibberish lyrical content is hardly getting it any better. TIER: 40-49 - MEH 76. Drag Me Down -- One Direction It certainly had a nice debut on Billboard Hot 100, but holy smokes, it's almost made to be one of the most underwhelming songs ever. The springy guitar, the heavy kick-drum and the constant repeating of "nobody, nobody", almost speak for itself that "nobody, nobody" ever will accept it wholeheartedly as an all-time classic other than reserving some pride that kind of shines. TIER: 40-49 - MEH
|
|
THINKIN BOUT YOU
Platinum Member
a good-looking gay man
Joined: May 2015
Posts: 1,364
|
Post by THINKIN BOUT YOU on Jun 1, 2016 23:26:24 GMT -5
75. Only -- Nicki Minaj featuring Drake, Lil Wayne, and Chris Brown It's not much lower on this list, is probably because it's more or less a guilty pleasure for me, like, the vulgar verses and Chris Brown's hook are subtly enjoyable and sprinkled with some personality, and when picking up its problems, I honestly can't think of too much that's blatantly off other than the lyrics is like... you know, and the whole song is a little laid-back and creepy. TIER: 40-49 - MEH
|
|