Jeffster's Worst Songs of 2004
Dec 26, 2004 12:41:41 GMT -5
Post by Jeffster on Dec 26, 2004 12:41:41 GMT -5
2004 was a good year for music. Atleast, for me, personally. I know that because when I sat here thinking about the worst songs of the year, I could only come up with twenty. I know for a fact there were worse songs this year, but the cool thing is, somehow I avoided hearing them. Unlike the last few years, when I couldn't get away from horrid idiocy like "Hey Ya" and "How You Remind
Me" which seemed to follow me everywhere, this year there were a lot fewer songs I couldn't get away from. The songs I really hated the most were the "classic
rock" songs I was forced to listen to at work almost every day like that "Cheap Sunglasses" crap, that Joe Walsh song where you keep thinking the song's over
and then he comes back on for one more verse to whine about how they took his driver's license away or whatever, and numerous Led Zeppelin songs where Robert Plant decided to have an orgasm during the recording session.
So, anyway, there ended up being more country songs on here than anything, since that's the "mainstream" format that I heard the most, and even some Christian songs. Who knows, maybe in 2005, I'll be even better at avoiding bad songs, and my "worst" list will be the songs that peaked in the low part of my personal chart. ;) It was tough to decide the order of these, but I didn't want to spend all day working on it, so I just sort of picked an order. ;) So here ya go...
Jeffster's Worst songs of 2004:
20. You Can't Take The Honkeytonk Out Of The Girl - Brooks & Dunn
Atleast Brooks & Dunn realize the tried and true formula in country music. Put the word "Honkytonk" in the title, and watch it fly up the charts! This song reminds me of the box factory tour guide on The Simpsons. "Yes, it is just like all the other rooms."
19. My Last Name - Dierks Bentley
Wouldn't more people have made fun of your first name? Am I the only one who's confused here?
18. Girls Lie Too - Terri Clark
Okay, I got the point of this song, but if you're going to do this kind of song, atleast have the lyrics make sense. "we like Hooters for their hot wings too.."? So, is she saying that girls like Hooters for the busty waitresses? Is there something you want to tell us, Terri?
17. Save A Horse, Ride A Cowboy - Big & Rich
A great debut song with "Wild West Show", a great third single with "Holy Water." This piece of trash in the middle. I guess this is like when you get a sandwich where the bread is really good, but the meat is disgusting, so you just sorta pick around it.
16. He Gets That From Me - Reba McEntire
His early morning attitude..frosted flakes...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Come on, Reba. "Somebody" was a great song. Then this followup, I (yawn) can't even (yawn) stay awake for the (yawn) chorus..i'm not even sure there is one.
15. Here For The Party - Gretchen Wilson
"Redneck Woman" was fun, but you gotta come up with something better to follow it up. This one is doomed from the opening line when you refer to yourself as a "son of a gun." Maybe you should speak to Terri Clark. You two seem to have some gender-confusion issues.
14.Whiskey Girl - Toby Keith
I'm continually amazed at just how many songs can go over 4 minutes long and still manage to never have a point. I mean, after the first verse and chorus, why is the rest of the song necessary? It should have gone in a medley of "different girls I like", the second verse could be "Fanta Grape Soda Girl" and so on. Oh well, atleast the girl in the video was hot.
13.(tie)Beautiful One - By The Tree
Shelter - Sonicflood
These two songs sound exactly like one another, so I couldn't put one ahead of the other. They are the prototype for how to have a boring worship song with
absolutely nothing compelling or original about it.
11.Party For Two - Shania Twain/Billy Currington
When this came out, I thought it was the required throwaway 11th or 12th single from Shania's milk-it-for-five-years latest album. Then I found out it's actually the LEAD new track from her greatest hits album. Come on, you had all that time, and you couldn't come up with something better than THIS? I think maybe Mutt has officially run out of ideas, and Shania is really relaxing in
Switzerland while a robot version of herself continues putting out music with nothing to it.
10.I Wanna Make You Cry - Jeff Bates
Drop this one in the "date rape song" file.
9.I Choose You - Point Of Grace
Wow, you lose one member and suddenly you all sound off-key? Maybe she really was carrying the group. Or maybe your producer told you off-key singing is in right now (Avril, Ashlee.) Maybe a little a both? I dunno, but this track is embarassingly, laughably bad. Oh, for the days of "Keep The Candle Burning."
8.Someday - Nickelback
"How the hell'd we end up like this?" Uhhh, I dunno, you made a bunch of crappy songs, and radio stations played them 9000 times a week? That'd be my guess. Enjoy it while it lasts. Save some money.
7.Stays In Mexico - Toby Keith
You're right, Toby. It stays in Mexico. I won't tell anyone you made this awful song, that actually has cheesy spoken conversations in it. It'll be our little secret. Just don't release a track with you and your daughter butchering "Mockingbird" to radio, and we'll be fine. Oops. Guess you'll be back on my worst of 05 list.
6.Yeah - Usher featuring various obnoxious rappers
Not really much to say about this one. It's the poster boy for interchangeable rappers mumbling and/or yelling over a repetitive, recycled beat, and complete lack of any melody, musical structure, coherence, or any other redeeming quality besides giving Dave Chappelle more ammunition for a funny recurring bit.
5.The Lord Loves The Drinking Man - Mark Chesnutt
Yes, of course he does, but there's a difference between loving someone and endorsing their lifestyle. Mark seems to not realize that.
4.Take My Breath Away - Jessica Simpson
When I first heard this, I thought it was Britney Spears, which just shows how interchangeable the pop tarts have gotten these days. Congratulations, Jessica, you made Berlin sound like musical geniuses. And Berlin were NOT musical geniuses.
3.Pieces Of Me - Ashlee Simpson
On a monday, I am thinking, on a tuesday I should change keys, on a saturday night, I am lip-synching..
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh..I think I'll sing like Avril for a few lines and then chaaaaaaaange..
I like the way my voice deepened... Maybe I'll go back to 7th Heaven. They all liked meeeeeeee.. It's the pieces, the pieces, the pieces of 9 different other singers combined to form meeeeeee..
2.Lose My Breath - Destiny's Child
Do us a favor, next time, actually finish the song before you release it. It's just the same thing repeated over and over again. This song has no tune, no point, and what am I saying? No one's listening to this song. They're just watching Beyonce shake her booty around. Well, that's fine, but just play the video on tv then, don't actually play it on the radio, unless you're just trying to scare small children. It honestly sounds like something out of a horror movie. "Eat your veggies, kids, or I'll play Lose My Breath again! Mwahahahahaha!"
and..(drumroll)..the #1 song on the list of the crappiest of the crap...
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1.The Reason - Hoobastank
I found out a reason to turn the radio offfffffffffffff
Because if it's on there's a good chance I'll hear this craaaaaaaaaap
Honestly, is there a more contrived, whiney, annoying, we made this to be played in WB shows with fake looking people while soccer moms swoon at how sensitive we
are while we still attempt to maintain our rock image song ever? As I said, I'm sure there were definitely worse songs in 2004, but this is definitely the most overplayed, most annoying, most consistently cringe-worthy one, and thus it claws its way to the top..or bottom..of the heap.
So, I now wash my hands of these, and can focus on compiling my year-end chart of the GOOD songs. Til then, happy holidays everybody! :)
Me" which seemed to follow me everywhere, this year there were a lot fewer songs I couldn't get away from. The songs I really hated the most were the "classic
rock" songs I was forced to listen to at work almost every day like that "Cheap Sunglasses" crap, that Joe Walsh song where you keep thinking the song's over
and then he comes back on for one more verse to whine about how they took his driver's license away or whatever, and numerous Led Zeppelin songs where Robert Plant decided to have an orgasm during the recording session.
So, anyway, there ended up being more country songs on here than anything, since that's the "mainstream" format that I heard the most, and even some Christian songs. Who knows, maybe in 2005, I'll be even better at avoiding bad songs, and my "worst" list will be the songs that peaked in the low part of my personal chart. ;) It was tough to decide the order of these, but I didn't want to spend all day working on it, so I just sort of picked an order. ;) So here ya go...
Jeffster's Worst songs of 2004:
20. You Can't Take The Honkeytonk Out Of The Girl - Brooks & Dunn
Atleast Brooks & Dunn realize the tried and true formula in country music. Put the word "Honkytonk" in the title, and watch it fly up the charts! This song reminds me of the box factory tour guide on The Simpsons. "Yes, it is just like all the other rooms."
19. My Last Name - Dierks Bentley
Wouldn't more people have made fun of your first name? Am I the only one who's confused here?
18. Girls Lie Too - Terri Clark
Okay, I got the point of this song, but if you're going to do this kind of song, atleast have the lyrics make sense. "we like Hooters for their hot wings too.."? So, is she saying that girls like Hooters for the busty waitresses? Is there something you want to tell us, Terri?
17. Save A Horse, Ride A Cowboy - Big & Rich
A great debut song with "Wild West Show", a great third single with "Holy Water." This piece of trash in the middle. I guess this is like when you get a sandwich where the bread is really good, but the meat is disgusting, so you just sorta pick around it.
16. He Gets That From Me - Reba McEntire
His early morning attitude..frosted flakes...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Come on, Reba. "Somebody" was a great song. Then this followup, I (yawn) can't even (yawn) stay awake for the (yawn) chorus..i'm not even sure there is one.
15. Here For The Party - Gretchen Wilson
"Redneck Woman" was fun, but you gotta come up with something better to follow it up. This one is doomed from the opening line when you refer to yourself as a "son of a gun." Maybe you should speak to Terri Clark. You two seem to have some gender-confusion issues.
14.Whiskey Girl - Toby Keith
I'm continually amazed at just how many songs can go over 4 minutes long and still manage to never have a point. I mean, after the first verse and chorus, why is the rest of the song necessary? It should have gone in a medley of "different girls I like", the second verse could be "Fanta Grape Soda Girl" and so on. Oh well, atleast the girl in the video was hot.
13.(tie)Beautiful One - By The Tree
Shelter - Sonicflood
These two songs sound exactly like one another, so I couldn't put one ahead of the other. They are the prototype for how to have a boring worship song with
absolutely nothing compelling or original about it.
11.Party For Two - Shania Twain/Billy Currington
When this came out, I thought it was the required throwaway 11th or 12th single from Shania's milk-it-for-five-years latest album. Then I found out it's actually the LEAD new track from her greatest hits album. Come on, you had all that time, and you couldn't come up with something better than THIS? I think maybe Mutt has officially run out of ideas, and Shania is really relaxing in
Switzerland while a robot version of herself continues putting out music with nothing to it.
10.I Wanna Make You Cry - Jeff Bates
Drop this one in the "date rape song" file.
9.I Choose You - Point Of Grace
Wow, you lose one member and suddenly you all sound off-key? Maybe she really was carrying the group. Or maybe your producer told you off-key singing is in right now (Avril, Ashlee.) Maybe a little a both? I dunno, but this track is embarassingly, laughably bad. Oh, for the days of "Keep The Candle Burning."
8.Someday - Nickelback
"How the hell'd we end up like this?" Uhhh, I dunno, you made a bunch of crappy songs, and radio stations played them 9000 times a week? That'd be my guess. Enjoy it while it lasts. Save some money.
7.Stays In Mexico - Toby Keith
You're right, Toby. It stays in Mexico. I won't tell anyone you made this awful song, that actually has cheesy spoken conversations in it. It'll be our little secret. Just don't release a track with you and your daughter butchering "Mockingbird" to radio, and we'll be fine. Oops. Guess you'll be back on my worst of 05 list.
6.Yeah - Usher featuring various obnoxious rappers
Not really much to say about this one. It's the poster boy for interchangeable rappers mumbling and/or yelling over a repetitive, recycled beat, and complete lack of any melody, musical structure, coherence, or any other redeeming quality besides giving Dave Chappelle more ammunition for a funny recurring bit.
5.The Lord Loves The Drinking Man - Mark Chesnutt
Yes, of course he does, but there's a difference between loving someone and endorsing their lifestyle. Mark seems to not realize that.
4.Take My Breath Away - Jessica Simpson
When I first heard this, I thought it was Britney Spears, which just shows how interchangeable the pop tarts have gotten these days. Congratulations, Jessica, you made Berlin sound like musical geniuses. And Berlin were NOT musical geniuses.
3.Pieces Of Me - Ashlee Simpson
On a monday, I am thinking, on a tuesday I should change keys, on a saturday night, I am lip-synching..
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh..I think I'll sing like Avril for a few lines and then chaaaaaaaange..
I like the way my voice deepened... Maybe I'll go back to 7th Heaven. They all liked meeeeeeee.. It's the pieces, the pieces, the pieces of 9 different other singers combined to form meeeeeee..
2.Lose My Breath - Destiny's Child
Do us a favor, next time, actually finish the song before you release it. It's just the same thing repeated over and over again. This song has no tune, no point, and what am I saying? No one's listening to this song. They're just watching Beyonce shake her booty around. Well, that's fine, but just play the video on tv then, don't actually play it on the radio, unless you're just trying to scare small children. It honestly sounds like something out of a horror movie. "Eat your veggies, kids, or I'll play Lose My Breath again! Mwahahahahaha!"
and..(drumroll)..the #1 song on the list of the crappiest of the crap...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
1.The Reason - Hoobastank
I found out a reason to turn the radio offfffffffffffff
Because if it's on there's a good chance I'll hear this craaaaaaaaaap
Honestly, is there a more contrived, whiney, annoying, we made this to be played in WB shows with fake looking people while soccer moms swoon at how sensitive we
are while we still attempt to maintain our rock image song ever? As I said, I'm sure there were definitely worse songs in 2004, but this is definitely the most overplayed, most annoying, most consistently cringe-worthy one, and thus it claws its way to the top..or bottom..of the heap.
So, I now wash my hands of these, and can focus on compiling my year-end chart of the GOOD songs. Til then, happy holidays everybody! :)
), except for "Someday" but I can see how someone would find it annoying. Especially 1, 2, and 6.