sabre14
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Post by sabre14 on Jun 17, 2015 15:59:27 GMT -5
What are some funny lyrics in country songs?
Alan Jackson - "The Talking Song Repair Blues" ('I know you've been using a cut-rate Thesaurus, cause your adverbs are backed up into your chorus; and now your verse is running on verbs that are way too weak')
Wade Bowen - "Songs About Trucks" ('I'm getting drunk, but not in a pasture')
Gretchen Wilson - "California Girls" ('There ain't nothin' wrong with plastic surgery. Dolly Parton never looked so good to me')
Jeff Carson - "When You Said That You Love Me" ('That the Cubs had finally won it all')
Tim McGraw - "Do You Want Fries With That" ('I hope you both choke on a pickle, and that would tickle me to death')
Trent Willmon - "Dixie Rose Deluxe's" ('I got four of everything in there. Bunch of stuff that I can't use. 100 cans of Skoal on my dashboard that I don't even chew')
Neal McCoy - "Billy's Got His Beer Goggles On" ('He don't see ugly through bloodshot eyes')
Jack Ingram - "Love You' ('and I'm sick and loving tired of all your loving around')
Then there's Brad...
Brad Paisley - "Waitin' On A Woman" ('and I don't guess we've been anywhere, she hasn't made us late I swear, sometimes she does it juts cause she can do it')
Brad Paisley - "Online" ('But I grow another foot and I lose a bunch of weight, every time I log in')
Brad Paisley - "Celebrity" ('But the more they run my name down, the more my price goes up')
Brad Paisley - "Me Neither" ('we never get along I'm thinkin'. There's no chemistry at all. This has been a waste of time and I'm running out of lines')
Brad Paisley - "You Need A Man Around Here" ('You got more candles than a midnight mass'. 'I haven't been a room a clean since they took my appendix out')
Brad Paisley - "Come On Over Tonight" ('see the premiere performance of demons on ice')
Brad Paisley - "All I Wanted Was A Car" ('My parents they were stunned how this former lazy bum, suddenly was working so hard')
I could go on and on with him, lol.
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onebuffalo
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#LiteralLegender
I am One Buffalo.
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Post by onebuffalo on Jun 17, 2015 18:05:01 GMT -5
Practically ALL of I Don't Even Know Your Name fits this thread.
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Todd
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Post by Todd on Jun 18, 2015 8:24:32 GMT -5
Mike Snider - "If My Nose Was Running Money" (If my nose was running money, honey, I'd blow it all on you)
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bjer127
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Post by bjer127 on Jun 18, 2015 11:01:18 GMT -5
Lots of them.
Jamey Johnson "Words Of My Dad" (She was 6 foot 3, she could bench press me, had a voice like a young Charley Pride.) (There's a bulldyke hitting on my girlfriend) Bobby Bare "Numbers" (Hey sweet thing you look like a possible 8, Me and you could make 18 if your head's on straight) Roger Miller "If You Won't Be My Number One (Then Number Two On You) Roger Miller "It Takes All Kinds to Make A World" (Me and a friend went to a picture show in town, then they announced his house had just burned down, I took his hand and offered him my sympathy, then suddenly I remembered he lives with me) Randy Houser "Beach To The Sand" (I've heard of bringing sand to the beach, but why did I bring this beach to the sand) Ray Scott "Grumpy" (Sometimes I wake up grumpy, sometimes I just let her sleep) Ray Scott "Still Screaming My Name" (she's still screaming my name, it still drives me insane, even though that screams taken on a little different tone these days, she still gets high pitched, when she's pitching a fit, lord that woman loves to bitch and complain, it ain't quite the same, but she's still screaming my name) Robert Earl keen "Merry Christmas From The Family" Billy Joe Shaver "Slim Chance and the Can't Hardly Playboys" Dale Watson "Country My Ass" Brad Paisley "The Toilet Song" Bobby Bare "Qualudes Again" (She tried to make love to the dining room chair, she's doing qualuudes again)
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Deleted
Joined: January 1970
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Post by Deleted on Jun 18, 2015 11:56:13 GMT -5
Miranda Lambert- Time To Get A Gun Time to get a gun/that's what I've been thinkin'/I could afford one if I did a little more drinkin' Miranda Lambert- Only Prettier I'll keep drinkin' and you'll keep gettin' skinnier/I'm just like you, only prettierMiranda Lambert- Gravity Is A Bitch Got bags under your eyes/Bigger hips and bigger thighs You got places that you can't even itch You can nip it, tuck it, squeeze it But you're never gonna beat it 'Cause gravity is a bitchSara Evans- Cheatin' H ow do you like that furnished room, the bed, the chair, the table The TV picture comes and goes, too bad you don't have cable How do you like that paper plate, and those pork-n-beans you're eatin' Maybe you should've thought about that When you were cheatin'
And for some dark humor .
Goodbye, Earl Those black-eyed peas? They tasted all right to me, Earl You're feeling weak? Why don't you lay down and sleep, Earl Ain't it dark? Wrapped up in that tarp, Earl
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Andy
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Post by Andy on Jun 27, 2015 14:58:33 GMT -5
Lyle Lovett - God Will
"So who says he'll forgive you And says that he'll miss you And dream of your sweet memory? God does, but I don't God will, but I won't And that's the difference between God and me."
Hank Jr. - O.D.'d in Denver
"We started the tour out in Denver, Colorado I made the first one but I did not make the second show 'Cause I met this girl there that brought about quite a big change But I OD'd in Denver and I just can't remember her name."
Chris Knight - Go On Home
"I used to run from the past But the world got to spinnin' so fast I run from the future now."
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sabre14
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Post by sabre14 on Jun 27, 2015 15:13:33 GMT -5
Jeff Bates - "Good People"
'cover you up, when you pass out on the lawn'
Mark Chesnutt - "Bubba Shot The Jukebox"
'Reckless discharge of a gun' That's what the officers are claiming Bubba hollered, "Reckless! Hell!" I hit just where I was aiming'
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.indulgecountry
Diamond Member
Best Country Poster 2011, 2017, & 2018
"You left a mark on my face // And brought a dozen red flags in a vase"
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Post by .indulgecountry on Jun 28, 2015 2:07:25 GMT -5
Dolly Parton - "Lover du Jour" (basically the entire song) Deana Carter - "Did I Shave My Legs for This?" (whole song)
Sara Evans - "Cheatin'" Now what became of what's her name, after she spent all your money Did she leave you just like you left me, well sometimes life is funny Yes I'll be glad to take you back, just as soon as I stop breathin'
Sara Evans - "Fool, I'm a Woman" Well, fool I'm a woman and bound to change my... Well, fool I'm a woman and I'm about to change my... Well, fool I'm a woman and I just changed my mind.
Sara Evans - "I Keep Looking" Well, the straight haired girls They all want curls And the brunettes wanna be blonde
Sara Evans - "Suds in the Bucket Now all the biddies in the beauty shop gossip goin' non-stop Sippin' on pink lemonade
Sara Evans - "Coalmine" Power's out, well that's all right We'll make love by a miner's light Gonna keep him busy 'til its time He goes back to that coalmine
Sara Evans - "Sweet Spot" It's not the weather, it's not the atmosphere It's you that's got me grinnin' from ear to ear
Ashley Monroe - "Weed Instead of Roses" Go call your no good brother, We both know what he's been growing
Sunny Sweeney - "You Don't Know Your Husband" Last time that you called him, I was sittin' on his lap He had his up under my sweater, rubbin' on my back He was lookin' in my eyes and tellin' you lies, it was all that I could take You can bet I'm woman enough to tell it to your face
Jo Dee Messina - "My Give a Damn's Busted" Stand out in the yard and cry all night long Go ahead and water the lawn + Well your therapist says it was all a mistake A product of the Prozac and your codependent ways So who's your enabler these days?
Jo Dee Messina - "I'm Done" Oh, you had to scratch that itch You deserve what you get, yeah, you and that .....
Kellie Pickler - "Thing's That Never Cross a Man's Mind" That movie was good except for the violent parts Brad Pitt is sexy Why did he change his hair I knew him and Jenny never had a prayer These curtains clash with the carpet The color scheme is a crime
Deana Carter - "Southern Way of Life" Back when the Black-eyed peas were something you put in your mouth
Gretchen Wilson - "The Earrings Song" And I couldn't help but notice girl that you keep slinkin' by Stealin' his attention with the twinkle in your eye You're causin' an involuntary clenchin of the fingers on my hand So honey move along and find a place to park yourself while you still can
Jamie O'Neal - "Devil on the Left" She brought a lot of men to their knees But only one of them was thinkin' Lord, won't you help her please
Joey + Rory - "Cheater, Cheater" Now cheater, cheater, where'd you meet that Low down, uptown, slept with every guy around, Pressed on eyelash, no good white trash hoe?
LeAnn Rimes - "Crazy Women" Who’d-a guessed that Aquanette Could start a fire with a single cigarette
Reba McEntire - "Turn on the Radio" Try to call, twitter me, text until your fingers bleed
Maggie Rose - "Preacher's Daughter" One-eyed woman with her tarot cards Said she ain't comin' back but she ain't gone far The devil's a liar and he drives a car Somewhere in Catahoula County
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Andy
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Post by Andy on Jul 21, 2015 19:37:25 GMT -5
"Nobody's Lonesome for Me" by Hank Williams.
"When the time rolls around for me to lay down and die
I bet I'll have to go and hire me someone to cry
All I need is a bride who want's a big-hearted groom
I wouldn't care if she come ridin' in on a broom
Oh, I shined up my shoes and then I slicked down my hair
Put on my Sunday suit, but I ain't goin' nowhere
Now I ain't had a kiss since I fell out of my crib
It looks to me like I been cheated out of my rib."
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zjames
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Post by zjames on Jul 21, 2015 21:14:43 GMT -5
Brad Paisley - "Working On A Tan"
So this week while you're stuck in your cubicle Or you're serving Starbucks or you're still in school Far from needing sunscreen on your skin Sorry but I have to rub it in
She's working on a tan...
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Todd
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Post by Todd on Jul 24, 2015 20:56:58 GMT -5
John Conlee - "I Don't Remember Loving You"
If you'll hand me my crayons I'll be glad to take your name In case I run across that guy you knew But I don't remember loving you
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sabre14
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Vince Gill & the Muppets make everything better
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Post by sabre14 on Apr 27, 2016 22:44:15 GMT -5
Kevin Fowler feat./Zane Williams - "Sellout Song"
"So catchy even haters sing along. Put your hands up in there air, hey the lyrics suck, no one really cares."
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Steven
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Post by Steven on Apr 29, 2016 15:38:24 GMT -5
Jerry Reed - "Amos Moses"
"Now everyone blamed his old man For making him mean as a snake When Amos Moses was a boy His daddy would use him for alligator bait Tie a rope around his neck and throw him in the swamp Alligator man in the Louisiana bayou"
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Ten Pound Hammer
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I watched it all on my radio
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Post by Ten Pound Hammer on May 1, 2016 12:09:47 GMT -5
* "He's the Charlie Daniels of the torque wrench" -- Sammy Kershaw, "Queen of My Double Wide Trailer"
* "When you get a date with Bridget, make sure the tank is full / On second thought, forget it, that one turns out kinda cool" -- Brad Paisley, "Letter to Me" (also a great way to insert levity into an otherwise serious and introspective song without breaking the mood)
* "I'm a crazy son of a [BAD WORD] / But I know I'm gonna make it big and rich" -- Big & Rich, "Rollin' (The Ballad of Big & Rich)" (always loved they actually say "bad word" instead of the curse, and the stealth "big and rich" pun is nice too)
* "I was only joking when I called 'em a couple of dicks / But still they made me do the stupid human tricks / And now I'm stuck in this cell with a bunch of dumb hicks / And I still don't why / I think I'm an alright guy..." -- Todd Snider, "Alright Guy"
* "Just in case there might be little ears around / I won't say it, I'll just spell it out / I feel like pound sign, question mark, star, exclamation point" -- Kevin Fowler, "Pound Sign (#?*!)"
* "Sitting in a 'bacco patch feeling like a weasel / I'm a waitin' on the lights to go dim / Wonderin' if my backside might be full of bullet shots / Before she gets away from him" -- Marty Stuart, "Arlene"
* "Bake me a country ham / Honey glazed with a side of yams / Leave it in 'til it's golden brown / Pineapples all the way around / Let the sweet smell fill the air / Serve it to me in my underwear / I'm tired of eating imitation Spam / So bake me a country ham" -- Cledus T. Judd, "Bake Me a Country Ham"
* "Well I'm a post Hee Haw mover / A folk-adelic punk rocker and groover / A cross between Béla Fleck and Eddie Vedder, but better" -- Ryan Shupe & the RubberBand, "Banjo Boy"
* "He don't see ugly through bloodshot eyes" -- Neal McCoy, "Billy's Got His Beer Goggles On"
* "The barn, the barn, the barn is on fire! / Hey y'all, seriously, the barn really is on fire!" -- Bomshel, "Bomshel Stomp"
* "It's worser than it's ever been before / And I know, and you know (And everybody in a three-mile radius knows) / You should see a dentist soon / I can smell your breath, it's gagging me to death / Something must've died inside of you / What you oughta do / Is chase a Cert or two / With Listerine" -- Cledus T. Judd, "Breath"
* "Reckless discharge of a gun, that's what the officers were claimin' / Bubba hollered, 'Reckless, hell -- I hit just where I was aimin'!" -- Mark Chesnutt, "Bubba Shot the Jukebox"
* "Someday I'm gonna be famous / Do I have talent? Well, no / These days you don't really need it / Thanks to reality shows / Can't wait to date a supermodel / Can't wait to sue my dad / Can't wait to wreck the Ferrari / On my way to rehab" -- Brad Paisley, "Celebrity"
* "Lately I've been noticing a gradual escalation / In your inability to handle your libation" -- Trent Tomlinson, "Drunker Than Me"
* "I figured this out in college, walking past them Gothic columns / I was probably gonna wind up somewhere, mmm, near the bottom / I was never gonna be the best or brightest guy around / But like the great George freakin' Strait, I'm the king of getting unwound" -- Brad Paisley, "Crushin' It"
* "Roses are red and violets are purple / Sugar is sweet, and so is maple syrup-le" -- Roger Miller, "Dang Me"
* "Ever been misunderstood, misused, and misled / Ever knocked on the sky and had it fall on your head / Don't worry 'bout it, don't worry / Ever lost your luggage, your marbles, your house / Or found yourself in bed with Uncle Sam or Mickey Mouse / Ever been accused of Murder on Music Row / Or caught in morning traffic when you really gotta go?" -- SHeDAISY, "Don't Worry 'bout a Thing"
* "There's a photo in my baby book / Of the first step that I ever took / I ended up on my butt with a puzzled look / Ever since, I've been kinda confused / When life tripped me up, I was easily bruised / But time has a way of healing wounds / Now I'm a guy that does what he feels / But I never seem to spot that banana peel..." -- Shawn Camp, "Fallin' Never Felt So Good"
* "I have so many ex's and owe so much, I oughta be on Hollywood Squares" -- George Strait, "Hollywood Squares"
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Andy
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Post by Andy on May 8, 2016 20:43:36 GMT -5
Don't have the lyrics in front of me, but there's a line in Dori Freeman's "Fine Fine Fine" that goes something like:
"You said it was just platonic Did you think I was that moronic?"
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Steven
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Post by Steven on May 9, 2016 16:51:15 GMT -5
Don't have the lyrics in front of me, but there's a line in Dori Freeman's "Fine Fine Fine" that goes something like: "You said it was just platonic Did you think I was that moronic?" Wow, that's a great line. I think I have to get into Dori's music now!
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Post by straitfan87 on May 9, 2016 19:11:38 GMT -5
The chorus in George Strait's Ocean Front Property I got some ocean front property in Arizona. From my front porch you can see the sea. I got some ocean front property in Arizona. If you'll buy that, I'll throw the golden gate in free.
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zjames
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Post by zjames on May 17, 2016 22:01:51 GMT -5
Eric Church - "Record Year"
If you find your way back I owe you a beer For my record year
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