SabrinaFan Ranks and Reviews Every Jax Song

[SabrinaFan]

Previously, I’ve done discography reviews for artists that I know and love. My previous ones, Jvke and Em Beihold, were artists I had recently discovered, but I wanted to challenge myself and choose an artist I’d never listened to most of their discography. “Victoria’s Secret” slowly grew on me over the course of last year and ended up making my top 30 songs of 2022. In January, I was coming from Christmas with my family and happened to turn on American Top 40 during my drive, which Jax was guest hosting that week. I’m not a super consistent listener of AT40, it’s just sort of one of those “if I happen to be driving, I’ll tune in” things, but many of the guest hosts I’ve heard have just robotically announced the songs and answered fan questions generically. I was really surprised how energetic Jax was as the host, and how authentic she seemed throughout the whole show. I honestly loved the vibe of genuineness she was giving off, and given I enjoyed “Victoria’s Secret” and “Cinderella Snapped,” it made me curious about checking out the rest of her discography. I thought Jax would be a good artist to do a blind discography review of, since she only has 12 songs (13 as of May 3, 2024) and it wouldn’t be a burdensome time commitment if I end up hating her music. The reviews will begin on Wednesday, April 12 and will end on Monday, April 24. 

It seems like Jax has purged her American Idol work and anything pre-2020 from Spotify, including a full EP from 2017. Since I’m not that invested in her as an artist at this time, I’m not going to go digging around the depths of the Internet for them even if they happen to be still available somewhere, so I’m just going to stick with reviewing her material from this decade.

Here is a list of my rankings in order:

13. Zombieland (featuring Hardy)
12. U Love U (featuring Jvke)
11. To All the Boys I Loved Before
10. I Can’t Believe I Shaved My Legs for This
9. Come Home to Me
8. Like My Father
7. I Feel Like a Kid Again
6. Papercuts
5. Ring Pop
4. 90s Kids
3. Cinderella Snapped
2. Victoria’s Secret
1. Bitchcraft

[SabrinaFan]

12. U Love U (featuring Jvke)


I can honestly say this was a miserable listen for me. Some of the artistic decisions in this song are WTF a number of levels, particularly sampling the Barney theme song. As a person in her 20s, I honestly questioned what I was doing with my life listening to a song like this lol. The sample sounds absolutely terrible and is not cleverly used at all, and the lyrics are major cringe. This literally sounds like it’s written for preschoolers. Even Jvke, who I really like as an artist, sounds terrible here; his rapping is awkward and off-beat. The only redeeming quality about this song is that I guess it has a decent message about self-love, but I can definitely see why many of Jax’s fans are in elementary and middle school based off of this song. This was a rough start to the discography journey.

[SabrinaFan]

11. To All the Boys I Loved Before


I wasn’t a fan of this song for the most part. Lyrically, the song has Jax clapping back at her exes for all the trials and tribulations they put her through. This song is Jax at her more unlikeable. One thing I typically like about Jax is her more nasally tone of her vocals sounds good to me, however, here her voice is pretty grating. The guitar pick production is also a bit annoying, as is how repetitive it becomes by the end of the song. This isn’t as bad as “U Love U,” but it is for sure a low point in her discography. Also, as a fun fact, apparently the "I went full Carrie Underwood on him" lyric led to Jax meeting Carrie Underwood to create a TikTok video for the song!

Also, FYI, I'm going to take a short break and will not be posting a review tomorrow, as I will instead be reviewing Em Behold's new song with Lauren Spencer-Smith and Gayle for my Em Beihold discography review. I will start reviewing these again on Saturday!

[SabrinaFan]

10. I Can’t Believe I Shaved My Legs for This


This is kind of a quirky song that's a bit similar to the vibe of “Victoria’s Secret,” which talks about lamenting going through the effort of shaving your legs for a disappointing situation. Lyrically, it’s pretty rough to get through lol, particularly during the pre-chorus. However, because my opinions of songs often change from the first impression, I listened to all of these songs through once about a week before I started reviewing these songs every day, and then listened again as I wrote my reviews. While I initially disliked it for its cringe-worthiness, I actually kind of appreciated it in a “so bad it’s funny” way after listening a second time. The one part I still am unable to enjoy is her gravelly singing of “why’d I shave my legs?” in the chorus, which is unlistenable; it just sounds really grating and awful. The vocal filter during the bridge is also kind of annoying. The production is at least catchy though, and it does have the appeal of being funny-bad if nothing else.

[SabrinaFan]

9. Come Home to Me


This one is a bit better. Her vocals are not annoying here like the previous songs, but I also wouldn’t go as far as to say they’re anything special. The production is also kind of mediocre, but what I really like about the song is the empowering message of self-worth. The sassy lyrics where Jax sings that she does not want to come home to her lover, but she’d rather be alone and come home alone, are definitely quite uplifting. I feel the production could have been a bit stronger here, but the message of the song gave it a lot of potential, even if that potential was not fully realized.

[SabrinaFan]

8. Like My Father


I watched a Zach Sang interview with her in preparation for this discography review, and she talks about it a little in that, so I was intrigued going into this. In the interview, Jax talked about how she never appreciated her parents as a kid and thought their public displays of affection were gross. In the song, Jax sings about all the things about her parents’ romance that she loves, and says that she wants to marry a man who will treat her like her father treats her mother. The sentiment of the song is super sweet, and I love the gentle production that accompanies this. I feel the message of the song is pretty relatable, at least for me. Like many teenagers, I used to be annoyed by certain things my parents would do when I was in those teen years, but as I got older, I learned to appreciate how amazing they are and grew into having a friend-like relationship with them. While this isn’t something I’d return to super often, it was a cute listen and I really like the message.

[SabrinaFan]

7. I Feel Like a Kid Again


This was another surprisingly good listen! I have always been a big holiday person, and combined with the fact that my birthday is in December, that Thanksgiving to Christmas stretch is always my favorite time of year. The production is very upbeat and embodies that heartfelt energy of the lyrics. The song is pretty simplistic so I don’t feel I have a lot to say, but this is a good Christmas track and I could see giving this a listen or two during the holiday season!

[SabrinaFan]

6. Ring Pop


I liked this one far more than I thought I would. The soft instrumental combined with her gentle vocals really gives this one a romantic feel. Jax boasts in the lyrics that she doesn’t need fancy possessions or an exciting life, because her love is enough for her. It’s a simple message, but Jax conveys it very effectively. I like how the production becomes slightly more upbeat as we move into the chorus, it’s just upbeat enough to make the flow of the chorus feel catchier without taking you out of the gentle, romantic feel. I love that she got Ned from Ned’s Declassified School Survival Guide for the music video! I watched Ned’s Declassified growing up, so it was a fun little blast from the past to have him appear.

[SabrinaFan]

5. Papercuts


This one is kind of an interesting one, because I didn’t really like this on first listen. However, after a couple days, I kinda wanted to listen to it again haha. So, I did, and it admittedly grew on me from the first listen. Lyrically, the song is about Jax clapping back at her former lover for stifling her ability to grow as a person, and how all the little stuff gone wrong in the relationship has finally caused her to be done with the relationship. Something about the chorus is so catchy even if it’s not the best written song, and the building violin production in the chorus is really nice. Her voice is a little more squeaky than usual on this one, but surprisingly it actually really works for me here. Also, this is a random little detail, but the little echo over the line “it’s wild, the things you can’t undo” sounds so good! This one was not clicking for me at first, but I have to admit I’ve come around to it after multiple listens.

[SabrinaFan]

4. 90s Kids


I feel like I shouldn’t like this one, but I do haha. Don’t get me wrong, some of the lyrics are cringe, particularly “We’re hella fucked up, take a hit me one more time like Britney, bitch" in the chorus. Oddly, the song is kind of endearing and is a bit of an earworm. I love the bouncy production and how catchy the lyrics are. I didn’t really like this on my first listen, but then I was oddly motivated to listen to it again. It’s one of those songs that just kinda gets easily stuck in your head (or at least it does for me). As I posted in the Misheard Lyrics thread recently, at first I thought the lyric was “We’ll kick it at the porno” instead of “we’ll kick it at the bar now” lol. Oddly, I like the “I tama-gotchu if you tama-got me” lyric even though it’s super cringe haha. Dad jokes are some of my favorite type of humor, so it worked for me. Thinking about it, I honestly think that’s something that appeals to me about Jax. Her music is not meant to be taken seriously, and the tone of her songs typically have a more playful vibe. Major guilty pleasure for me.

[SabrinaFan]

3. Cinderella Snapped


This is a decent song that has grown on me after multiple listens. The idea of all the Disney princesses going “crazy” and becoming empowered in themselves is cute. It’s clear Jax was trying to create a contrast where the listener realizes that the “crazy” things the princesses are doing aren’t really crazy, they are just allowing the Disney princesses to step outside the boxes that society tries to confine them into, which is a metaphor for how society often tries to use boxes to confine women into having to be perfect and delicate. It feels like Jax is trying to shock her audience by these things the Disney princesses are doing, such as shaving their heads or kissing each other. As an adult and especially as someone who had Gender Studies as one of my programs of study in college, this song is a surface-level representation of the most basic tenets of feminism, which is what caused the disconnect for me on first listen. However, the song is insanely catchy, and Jax’s smooth vocals during the verses transitioning into a more punk rock song in the chorus makes this an earworm. Even though the princesses going crazy doesn’t shock me like Jax seems to be intending, I love the positive message of the song. This song sends an empowering feminist message for kids Chelsea’s age (the kid Jax babysits…look at me getting into the deep Jax lore haha), while still being catchy and enjoyable for adults. While I really like the production here, I hope Jax doesn’t become the type of artist that thinks getting a hit means she needs to mirror that exact same production for all of her future work. That sound was fun for the playful tone of “Victoria’s Secret” and this song, but I’m not sure the rock production was particularly revolutionary enough to build her whole sound around it.

[SabrinaFan]

2. Victoria’s Secret


This is the track that ultimately inspired me to do this discography listen. This ranked in my top 30 of my top 100 songs of 2022, and I have to admit, it’s become a huge guilty pleasure for me. I know most people find this song cringe, and I was honestly on the same page when I first heard the song. The guitar production didn’t work for me, and some of the lyrics were cringe. As I heard it more on the radio, it slowly grew on me for its tongue-in-cheek lyrics and the fact that it feels like a song you are not really supposed to take seriously. The non-serious tone provides an interesting contrast to Jax’s urgence not to take toxic beauty norms seriously, so my mindset on the quirky tone shifted and I now feel like the cringey production works, because it is supposed to be cringey and playful. The lyrics, while cringe, are also kinda fun and I like how the playful lyrics expose the ridiculousness of upholding these toxic beauty norms that women are supposed to have huge boobs and a skinny waist. As a little fun fact, apparently, the girl that Jax was babysitting (who Jax wrote this song for) is now chasing a career as an influencer on YouTube.

[SabrinaFan]

1. Bitchcraft


I was really surprised how much I liked this one, and it easily is my favorite thing I’ve heard from her. This is nothing like “Victoria’s Secret” or any of the other tongue-in-cheek songs. Lyrically, the song is about Jax getting revenge on her ex-lover for treating her badly. The music video is super weird, but the song itself is great! Jax’s voice sounds sultry here, and I’m very intrigued by the bitingly snarky lyrics. The “we can make him hurt” lyric in the chorus is a bit try-hard, but I don’t find it to be an issue given how excellent all the other elements of the song are. What really makes this song as interesting as it is for me is the production. The production has a slinky, mysterious vibe to it, and it sounds so good combined with the sultriness of Jax’s vocals. Jax mentioned in the Zach Sang interview I talked about in the “Like My Father” review that her label executives told her she had to be sexier and more provocative, which she did not want to do. Since this song was on a different label, I kind of wonder if this song is a result of that pressure she was receiving. Separating the art from the artist though, this is Jax’s best and I’m surprised how great this ended up being.

I really enjoyed this little discography journey, and found quite a few songs I’d revisit from her. Honestly, I would say I’ve come around to every song other than “U Love U”...even “To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before” has kinda grown on me a little bit haha. Even though I didn’t love every song, I definitely respect Jax as an artist and I love the authenticity she radiates. I would say I am a fan of her after listening to her full discography. For those who like artists who are good stage performers, have an intriguing image, and fit that traditional pop diva image, Jax is definitely not your girl. However, in an age where we’re seeing a shift to more of a balance between big name artists and TikTok artists sharing the spotlight, I kind of have a soft spot for the vibe Jax puts out there. I have always been the type of music fan that doesn’t really care about an artist being a pop culture icon or fitting the mold of the quintessential “pop star.” I moreso value artists who are authentic and where it feels like you are getting to know the real them through their music, rather than having a flashy image. Honestly, I have to say Jax is probably one of the most authentic and genuine artists I know of, so even if not all of her music was great and she can be a bit cringey, I definitely have respect for her in that sense and I will continue to check out and review new music as she puts it out.

[SabrinaFan]

Bonus #1: Iconic (Simple Plan featuring Jax)

Album: Harder Than It Looks (2023)

Upon first hearing Simple Plan and Jax were collabing, I wasn’t sure how to feel. Given the pop-rock sound Jax has had in her most popular songs, the collaboration definitely makes sense, although I’ve only listened to Simple Plan’s popular 2000s output when their career was at its peak, so I didn’t really have any idea of what to expect here. On first listen, I really like this and think Jax fits in perfectly here. I’m not including this in the rankings, but I enjoy this song enough to give it a review.

The lyrics to the first verse feature all of the negative things Simple Plan was told that ate away at their self-confidence, such as saying their dream of becoming a band was a fantasy and that they should just give up. The chorus claps back at this pessimism, boasting that the band is going to do whatever it takes to achieve their dream. Jax’s verse takes a slightly more personal approach, talking about how record label executives have told her to be untrue to herself if she wants to get quick fame. Jax has opened up in a number of interviews about her toxic relationship with record label executives on a previous label. She has shared that executives have belittled her and told her she needed to be sexier, needed to have a better voice, and that she needed to write more generically to appeal to a broader audience. The listener can easily tell that Jax wrote her verse by having her lyrics explain how she personally relates to the song’s overarching message, which is a big part of why she fits so well here. Not only do her lyrics relate to the message, but she has great chemistry with the lead singer of Simple Plan. I wasn’t sure if I was going to enjoy this one or not, but I am pleasantly surprised at how much I like this!

[SabrinaFan]

13. Zombieland (featuring Hardy)

Album: Non-album single (2024)

As one of the few on this forum that enjoys "Victoria's Secret" and "Cinderella Snapped," I can honestly say this song is atrocious. The song's lyrics feature Jax and Hardy talking about those who wronged them in life, boasting about leaving them to die when the zombie apocalypse happens. I guess the message could be perceived as "focus on those who matter most," but that's a bit of a stretch. Nothing about this song really works for me. The song is built around zombie apocalypse jokes, with Jax making various puns such as "you're the Will to my Smith" and "when the Walmarts go under," and the joke misses the mark for me.

I also feel the production is extremely obnoxious, which also causes Jax and Hardy's rapping to become grating fast as well. Even their flow aside, I don't think either of them sound good here. Jax sounds like she's trying to match Hardy's sound by adding twang to her voice, and it doesn't sound good. Honestly, I'm kind of unclear why Hardy's even here in the first place? It sounds like what they were going for is making this a zombie apocalypse themed duet about love, but the execution is extremely messy. Hardy and Jax have very little chemistry here, and I don't really feel like Hardy adds anything to the song at all. After the first verse, it sounds like they just had him jump in and sing random lines without any reason behind it. That's not to mention he starts his verse with what may be the worst lyric I've heard so far in 2024: "When I was in fifth grade, there was a kid named Walker! Punched me in the gut then he shoved me in a locker!" And not to make light of him being bullied, because maybe that affected him on a deep level and that isn't something that should be made fun of, but his delivery of the line is corny as hell and the line genuinely sounds like something a child would write. All of his contributions to the song are unlistenable for me and made me cringe.

All that said, I'm ranking this dead last, even behind "U Love U." Although that song also takes cringe to frightening new levels, in thinking about which one was worse, I honestly feel like "Zombieland" is more irritating and obnoxious. I can't even see what the appeal of this one would be, other than I guess people who happen to find her zombie apocalypse jokes funny? For me though, this is the worst song in her discography and I won't be returning to this ever.