Christina Aguilera - "Bionic" (2 Stars)

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In July 2008, Christina Aguilera spoke to Glamour magazine about her upcoming album. "I'll be referencing Pop Art, Andy Warhol’s art. So it will sound fun and fast-paced." It had also been reported that she had begun collaborating with electropop superstars Goldfrapp, Ladytron, Sia, and Le Tigre - a bold move for a pop star at that time. In November 2008, she released her first greatest hits album which featured the half-assed "Keeps Gettin' Better" (a sad imitation of Goldfrapp's "Ooh La La"), "Dynamite", and electronic reworkings of "Genie In A Bottle" ("Genie 2.0") and "Beautiful" ("You are What You Are (Beautiful)". These new songs were called a 'taste' of what was to come for her next album. Well...these songs tasted like ass but how could you go wrong with acts like Goldfrapp and Ladytron?

So...let's get a few things clear. Aguilera's intentions for her new album was to bring electropop to the mainstream with an Andy Warhol "Pop Art" inspired image? Got it?

In August 2008, a New York native by the name of Lady Gaga, heavily influenced by Andy Warhol, avant-garde fashion, and pop art - released her debut album "The Fame". Her single "Just Dance" was under the radar and slowly taking off on the radio. Gaga's #1 fan at the time, blogger Perez Hilton, accused Aguilera of stealing Gaga's image for her performance at the 2008 MTV Music Video Awards. When Aguilera was confronted with these accusations, Aguilera told the L.A. Times, "I’m not quite sure who this person is, to be honest. I don’t know if it is a man or a woman. I just wasn’t sure. I really don't spend mass amounts of time on the Internet, so I guess I live a little under a rock in that respect."

By April 2009, Christina Aguilera didn't need to go online to know who Lady Gaga was. Her singles "Just Dance" and "Poker Face" were back-to-back #1 hits and went on to sell 4 million copies each in the United States. Obviously, Aguilera needed to revamp her album and move far away from her initial direction to avoid more accusations of imitating the newest pop princess.

So what do you do to avoid being accused of imitating Lady Gaga? Simple! Imitate EVERYONE ELSE.

Aguilera gets completely lost and hides herself behind her songwriters and producers to the point where it's hard to tell if it's even her. This album is based on Aguilera giving her best impersonations of her favorite artists from the opening and title track "Bionic" (Santigold impersonation) to the Harajuku Barbie anthem "Woo Hoo" (with the Nicki Minaj hook) to "Glam" (Aguilera's failed attempt to make her own Madonna -esque "Vogue" anthem) to "My Girls" (a bad Peaches impersonation) to "Desnudate" (which sounds like an early or alternative version of Britney's "I Got A Plan (Get Naked)", and last but not least, the Janet Jackson-esque "Morning Desert Intro". And hell, since Christina is imitating every great female pop star this decade, she might as well rip herself off! "Sex For Breakfast" is a rewrite and reworking of "Loving Me For Me" (from her best album "Stripped") and "I Hate Boys" a half-assed reworking of the half-assed "Keeps Gettin' Better".

I have a feeling most of these songs were less of a collaboration with these artists and more like re-recordings of unreleased tracks from their previous albums - as a song like "Elastic Love" would have fit well on M.I.A.'s album "Kala" and "My Girls" would have fit appropriately on Peaches' "I Feel Cream" album.

If she had waited a little longer, we would have gotten Max Martin & Dr. Luke to make some Ke$ha songs for Mrs. Bratman.

And let's not get me started on the album's calculating lead single, which sounds like every popular song on the radio from 2006 to 2009. The percussion and drums of Justin Timberlake's "SexyBack", the synthesizers of Britney Spears' "Break The Ice", with a Rihanna-esque melody. 1+1+1 = Hit? Obviously not.

Aguilera's biggest problem in her music is that she spends so much time trying to 're-invent' herself that she forgets to add personality to her new 'visions' (if that's what you want to call them) and tries to justify her ego and self-righteousness as a personal trait. Yes Christina, we get that you're sexy, confident, and a superwoman, you say it every 5 minutes...but who are you? Without a personality and your own style, how can you work with such powerful and distinct artists without them overshadowing you on your own album? Madonna can work with Justin Timberlake and still sound like Madonna ("Miles Away"), and even the recently leaked demo of Lady Gaga's "Telephone" performed by Britney Spears proves that Britney can still sound like the Britney YOU all love.

Aguilera's only trait is the fact that she can take a note and sing it all the way to hell and back. Her trademark oversinging can be found in the Linda Perry song "Lift Me Up" and the Sia-penned "You Lost Me" which could be considered by fans, to be as distinct of a style as Aguilera is capable of.

The album's standout track is "I Am". Here, Aguilera ditches the oversinging and shows a new side of her voice without impersonating someone else. It would have made a nice album closer rather than "Vanity". After 17 songs of doing everything to steer clear of Lady Gaga, here comes "Vanity", which sounds like a B-side off of "The Fame". Proof that Aguilera has failed from every angle with "Bionic".

2 stars. This album is a f**king mess.

[Mpol]

4/5 Stars. Wonderful record.

[Illusions]

May 25, 2010 12:42:45 GMT -5 Mpol said:

4/5 5/5 Stars. Wonderful record.

[dbhmr]

Round of applause for Ego. Spot-on review.

[Eqbk]

May 25, 2010 13:51:00 GMT -5 dbhmr said:

Round of applause for Ego. Spot-on review.

Harsh but true. I do like the ballads though but I couldn't listen to her uptempos more than once.

[PDC1987]

Like I said before, this album listens like a rarities collection, an album made up of B-Sides and album leftovers. All the tracks are so weak.

[Me. I Am l!nk!nfan815...]

With the exception of "I Am", everything else is whatever to me.

[HEADOFTHEPACK]

I'm digging the album, but really, that review is just spot-on.

[esoteric76]

Two stars is generous (especially since we know what Aguilera is capable of), but the review is right on the money.

[Junkiex]

Preach it, Ego. Your review is spot on. And yes, this album is a f**king mess. If it weren't for "I Am" "Lift Me Up" "All I Need" and "You Lost Me" I would give it not two but ONE star

[Nic (Britney Spears)]

I agree, "I Am" is truly the albums standout.

[Luckie Starchild]

Dumb review... it sounds very unprofessional.

[Oɴʟуßoy®]

I agree with the review but I think its more worthy of two stars. vanity is a great track and yes I AM is definitely the standout track oin my eyes. But i liked the cd its no The Fame Monster or Rated R but its ok. jus ok. nothing special. or groundbreaking.
I hate Boys?????? christina grow up. Ur son sounded more mature than u on the cd.

[Devil Marlena Nylund]

2 out of 5?

It depends on how liberal people are with rating systems. I've learned to be more strict with any rating system I use by using the halfway point for mere average titles. 2/5 might not be great but it could be worse. I find a lot of people tend to give high ratings to titles because they like a few songs but you're reviewing a CD for the entire album, not just a few good songs.

[Donnie5]

May 28, 2010 14:12:16 GMT -5 Luckie Starchild said:

Dumb review... it sounds very unprofessional.

Hardly.

[Luckie Starchild]

May 28, 2010 21:30:42 GMT -5 Donnie5 said:

May 28, 2010 14:12:16 GMT -5 Luckie Starchild said:

Dumb review... it sounds very unprofessional.

Hardly.

It comes across as written by someone with an agenda and bias... very amateurish IMO, no offense.

[Deleted]

The album is terrible. Really really bad.

[Dammn Baby]

There is nothing truly standout on this record. A collection of below-average, banal tracks.

[Envoirment]

1. Bionic 8/10
2. Not Myself Tonight 8/10
3. Woohoo 8/10
4. Elastic Love 7/10
5. Desnudate 7/10

7. Glam 7/10
8. Primma Donna 7/10

10. Sex For Breakfast 7/10
11. Lift Me Up 8/10

13. All I Need 8/10
14. I Am 8/10
15. You Lost Me 9/10
16. I Hate Boys 7/10
17. My Girls 7/10
18. Vanity 7/10

Overall = 8/10

I love the album, at first it was to me, but I gave it a few more listens and it started to grow on me immensley <3 Will defo be picking up a copy when it comes out :)

[kpasa]

1. Bionic 4/5
2. Not Myself Tonight 2.5/5
3. Woohoo 1/5
4. Elastic Love 1/5
5. Desnudate 0/5
7. Glam 2/5
8. Primma Donna 2.5/5
10. Sex For Breakfast 0/5
11. Lift Me Up 2.5/5
13. All I Need 2/5
14. I Am 4/5
15. You Lost Me 5/5
16. I Hate Boys 1/5
17. My Girls 0/5
18. Vanity 3.5/5

2 stars solid. Review was spot on. Bionic, even if it is a shameless ripoff, is at least enjoyable, and You Lost Me is just beautiful imo. But every other song is just so weak it's pathetic.

[🅳🅸🆂🅲🅾]

1. Bionic 9/10
2. Not Myself Tonight 10/10
3. Woohoo 11/10
4. Elastic Love 10/10
5. Desnudate 12/10

7. Glam 9/10
8. Primma Donna 10/10

10. Sex For Breakfast 9/10
11. Lift Me Up 12/10

13. All I Need 10/10
14. I Am 10/10
15. You Lost Me 15/10
16. I Hate Boys 9/10
17. My Girls 10/10
18. Vanity 15/10

Overall, 115%

[weaver]

So Ego, that is your own review? I would be more inclined to buy into it if it weren't so clear that you disliked Aguilera to begin with.

Whether or not something is "half assed" is an opinion. I'm no big Christina fan- I just found it rather heavy handed.

[Joe1240]

1/10 Very disapointing album.

[Nic (Britney Spears)]

1. Bionic 8/10
2. Not Myself Tonight 7/10
3. Woohoo 7/10
4. Elastic Love 5/10
5. Desnudate 5/10
7. Glam 1/10
8. Primma Donna 1/10
10. Sex For Breakfast 1/10
11. Lift Me Up 6/10
13. All I Need 3/10
14. I Am 10/10
15. You Lost Me 8/10
16. I Hate Boys 7/10
17. My Girls 2/10
18. Vanity 5/10

Overall: 5/10

[neverduplicated]

I gave the album a listen for curiosity's sake and for the most part I agree with Ego's review. The uptempo electro tracks are nearly unbearable. None of them have a memorable chorus to speak of. It seems like Christina just got lazy and thought that by having an electro beat and making her vocals sound as generic and non-distinct as possible, she'd make something groundbreaking. Luckily there are a few decent tracks on the album - "Lift Me Up," "All I Need," "I Am," and "You Lost Me." Finally, there is one track on this CD that I actually wouldn't mind owning myself, that being "Sex For Breakfast," which is about as groovy and sensual as I've ever heard Christina without going into make-myself-want-to-vomit territory.

[S. Carter]

Didn't RollingStone also give it 2 stars? Poor Aguilera.

[ClevelandRox]

Friday's EW gave it a C. Awe at them being nice.

[franklin]

1. Bionic 10/10
2. Not Myself Tonight 8/10
3. Woohoo 8/10
4. Elastic Love 7/10
5. Desnudate 8/10
7. Glam 5/10
8. Primma Donna 10/10
10. Sex For Breakfast 3/10
11. Lift Me Up 9/10
13. All I Need 8/10
14. I Am 9/10
15. You Lost Me 12/10
16. I Hate Boys 9/10
17. My Girls 10/10
18. Vanity 10/10

Overall: 7/10 Pleasantly Surprised by this album :) but the deluxe version is a must buy!

Bobblehead 8/10
Birds of Prey 10/10
Stronger Than Ever 11/10
Little Dreamer 10/10

[sunpeach]

Not only was she nasty about GaGa- look at this! Being mean to Valerie Bertinelli- she needs to go home and stay there!

Surprise! Surprise!

While being interviewed on The Jonjay and Rich Show, Valerie Bertinelli revealed Christina Aguilera was mean to her during a brief meeting in 2004.

She said:

"Christina Aguilera, I met her and she was so mean to me. I thought you know what, forget you. She's too young to be blowing people off. She went to a Van Halen show and I went to go say hi to her. My son was up there, and she's like, 'Yeah, okay, bye'."

As I walked away I said to my friend, 'Did I just get dissed by Christina Aguilera?' and she said 'I think you did!'"

Don't feel bad, Valerie! Just look at what Clonetina has become.

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